Recovery
by Irrelevancy
Summary: Ryan temporarily loses his sight on a case, and Esposito's guilt refuses to be dispersed. Or at least, it tries to. Ryan/Esposito.


**A/N: Fill for Castle Kink Meme:**

**"Either Ryan or Esposito gets blinded whilst attempting to arrest a perp (temporarily or permanently) and the other helps him recover."**

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It wasn't going to be permanent, the doctor said.

Javier should've been glad. Glad that the fall out of the window wasn't fatal (at least, not for Ryan), and it wasn't glass shards that blinded his partner, but the bump to his head and a family history of faulty retinas. He should've been glad to see Ryan's smile of greeting when he opened the door (how the man knew it was him, Esposito did not know), but instead, he was angry as all hell.

He stayed silent, standing at the door of the hospital room, leaning heavily against the frame in an effort to swallow his rage. His irrelevant rage. His impossible rage. He stood still for long enough, that Ryan's grin faltered, and with a furrow of brows above a strip of white gauze (the glass scraped his eyelids, and the bleeding with Ryan's blind groping after the fall had been what scared Esposito), Ryan opened his mouth.

"Espo-"

"You could've been killed," Javier interrupted. All twelve minutes of attempt at smothering his temper had been scratched down to zero and worthless, and Javier didn't need to see the smile drop off Ryan's face completely to continue. "You could've been _killed_, Kev. What the hell were you thinking, chasing after Hans like that?"

"He was getting away!" Ryan protested, sitting up from his lean against the pillowed headboard of the bed. "I couldn't just let him-"

"Yes you could!" Javier didn't realize his voice had heightened to a yell, and the volume of the door slamming shut behind him appropriately suited his mood. "You could've- _should have_ waited for me!"

"And what, let him tackle _you_ out the window?" Ryan yelled back, just as loud. In a particularly heavy blink and deep, loud breathing, Esposito failed to notice his partner's hand creep up to his chest to grab at the bandages there. He did, however, found it strange there was no follow up to Kevin's words, and was sitting by his partner's side in a flash when he finally looked up.

"Kevi-"

It was Ryan's turn to interrupt, this time with a whisper that had Javier's yells beaten easily.

"I couldn't have let that happened..." Ryan breathed as soon as he was able to, leaning forward, forehead against Esposito's shoulder. Javier could feel the heavy breaths shaking the oh-so-frail body beneath him, and hugged him close, instantly regretting losing the control over his temper like that. "I... I wouldn't want this to be you..."

"...I'm sorry," Javier whispered, burying his face into the unfamiliar depth and scent of Ryan's hospital-issued gown, cringing for his partner as he caught a hint of antiseptic against the clean smell. Kevin Ryan never smelled like that. Not so... _bleached_, and _washed out_, and _used, _no. Kevin Ryan smelled like aftershave and fresh pastries - the cherry biscotti he picked up before coming in on Wednesday mornings, the tiramisu he eats for lunch after that, if they weren't too busy. Kevin Ryan smelled aromatic, delicious, mouth-watering... Anything but swiped down and stingingly clean. And it was all Javier's fault. Javier's fault he couldn't protect Ryan, Javier's fault that Ryan couldn't go on smelling like the way he so comfortingly does. "So, _so_ sorry..."

"You're right," Ryan murmured into Esposito's jacket, making Javier wonder, briefly, if the pure stench of the hospital had gotten onto him too, as he waited for the doctor's okay for him to see his partner. "Everything's your fault. It's all your fault that Joseph Hans smashed a printer into his father's head because of inheritance rights. It's all your fault that he went on to kill his sister and dumps her body in a car and blew it up. It's all your fault that Castle and Beckett tracks him down, and find out he's ran away. All your fault that I saw him following Beckett with a gun, and ran after him into an abandoned building, and out the window. You're right. It's all your fault."

"...Shut up. I'm trying to wallow in my guilt, and you're not helping."

Ryan's soft laugh brought a smile to Javier's face as well. "God, you're... the stupidest person I've ever met...! How could you possibly wallow in your guilt when it doesn't exist in the first place?"

"Oh, it exists alright," Javier said, straightening and stopping himself from giving Ryan a friendly cuff to the head for the light jab. Bastard already knew, he guessed by the smug smile on his partner's face. WIth a skeptic's raise of an eyebrow that Ryan couldn't see, Esposito flicked him gently in the nose, and Ryan made an incredulous whimper-sound in response. Javier had to laugh as he continued. "I could've done something, I keep thinking. I could've... and should've. Man, I-"

Javier eloquently shut up when Ryan's fingers touched his ear. In fact, not only his mouth froze, but his entire body, as a pianist's fingertips danced softly across his skin, tracing his cheekbone, flowing over the ridge of his nose, and barely touching the tips of his eyelashes as they fluttered when Esposito closed his eyes. This innocently sensual exploration of Javier's face continued, until Ryan finally came to a stop in the center of the region he'd been skirting around. The light pressure of a cold finger against his lips did not feel bad, especially as the forefinger was replaced by a thumb, and two hands reached up to drag him down instead of just one. The press of warm lips to his melted the icy paths Kevin drew against Javier's face, along with all the cold doubts he had about his (in)ability to save his partner. Javier's mind wandered back to three days ago, before all this started, when Ryan had inadvertently told him the Greek myth Pygmalion, and wondered if Kevin remembered, and felt like Pygmalion did when his statue came to life. The sky-blue twinkle in Ryan's eyes told him he did, and Javier sighed contently, mind finally put at ease after five hours outside of the emergency room.

-

Outside of the emergency room, Castle was pacing back and forth along the hall, while Kate peered into the room Ryan was given surreptitiously, hiding a smile at the cozy scene inside. The grin refused to back down, though, and Kate could only direct her satisfaction at the clearly agitated Rick. Castle paused when he caught the look, and looked appreciatively curious.

"What?" he questioned, before frowning again. "Can I go in _now_?"

"Just give them some time, Castle," Kate appeased. "You heard the doctor; Ryan will be fine, but he can do without the crowding. You can go in once Esposito's done in there."

"But he'll never be done!" Rick whined. Not unlike a child, Beckett mused, half expecting him to stomp his feet against the tiled floor. "How long has he been in there?"

"Relax, Castle, it was only fifteen minutes," Esposito replied from the doorway, finally exiting the room. His grin was tension-free, Kate noticed, and thanked all the gods for Kevin Ryan. Esposito had been a nightmare when Ryan got hurt, snapping at everyone every chance he gets, and generally exuding an atmosphere of "Don't Touch or Talk to Me Unless You Have a Death Wish". This refreshed, _normal_Esposito was much more pleasant to be around, and Kate could smile already in relief for the precinct. Instead, however, she turned to Castle with a stern facade, and stood up.

"Calm yourself down, Castle," she ordered as she slid open Ryan's door. "I'll be back soon. Esposito, watch him."

All Kate heard was Castle's incredulous "What?" and Esposito's "Roger that" before the door closed behind her, and she sat down in the chair beside Ryan's bed.

"Hey Beckett," Kevin greeted, smiling contently, but tiredly. "Things alright?"

"Hans died in the fall," Kate replied, finding no excuse in her mind to deny Ryan of the knowledge. The happiness in Kevin's smile was replaced with a mournful air.

"I had a feeling," he replied quietly. He turned his head up to the ceiling, and Kate didn't bother his thought process, instead watched the way the bandages peeking over the collar of the hospital gown seemed to constrain his breathing. "He, ah... broke my fall. Guess it's thanks to him that I'm not dead. Or worse."

"It was his fault you fell out in the first place," Kate replied evenly with no hint of venom behind poison words. "There's no need to excuse him."

Ryan laughed quietly. "You're absolutely right."

A silence followed that Beckett realized was a tired one. With a soft, almost maternal smile, the detective placed her hands on Ryan's shoulders and gently pushed him down. Ryan made a noise of protest when Beckett began to tuck him in, and Kate pulled away with a chuckle.

"Sleep," she recommended, standing up as she prepared to leave the room. "It'll be better for you."

"But Castle's still..." Ryan murmured, trailing off his his vowels slurred together. Kate's laugh set an unconscious smile on Kevin's face as she turned around to walk out the door.

"Exactly."

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**A/N: Sight's always been an enormous kink for me, somehow. Must be all the CLAMP I read/watch...**

**Reviews are like the signed copy of Heat Wave sitting on my bookshelf~!**


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